On Meeting the Characters of King of the Hill

I met Boomhower the other day at Deep Eddy Cabaret. My brother, his girlfriend and I went for a pitcher of Lonestar after Ballet Folklorico and shared a table with a "Leprechaun Chic" man, Boomhower, and some other guy that can't be described as a fictional character.

We sat down and a toothless Boomhower immediately asked if Tara's teeth were real. She informed him that they were, and thus triggered his information session on what toothless people can and cannot eat.

Here is what I learned about eating while toothless:
Peanuts are impossible to eat
Peanut Butter is easy to eat
Beef Jerky can be eaten, but only if you suck it long enough for it to get soft.

I feel like Budweiser should make him one of their "Real Men of Genius" dudes and salute him for not giving up on beef jerky despite being toothless. It's people like this that make living in Austin an adventure. In Mass, a toothless man would just be a sad reminder of the losers spawned by capitalism. In Texas, losing your teeth is like gaining hick merit badges--it's a status symbol.